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secrets I can never tell

A blog to help me deal with my ptsd as a result of an abusive relationship and rape, as well as other illnesses. Posts will be triggering.

I consider this a personal blog.

Talk to me <3

We are beautiful to you because we are black but not too black. We are brown but not too brown. We are European enough to fit into your Eurocentric view of beauty but non-white enough to be unusual and interesting. We are similar enough to be safe and different enough to be exciting. Isn’t that what you’re really saying? These ideals of light skin and Europeanized features contribute to the discrimination of darker skinned/non-European people. Do you realize that when you raise me as an ideal you are saying that I am more beautiful than my own community of colour? You divide me from my own people because you position me as more desirable than they are. In saying this you not only marginalize mixed race individuals from within their own ethnic communities but you condemn POC by saying that they are too black, too brown, too coloured.

i’m sure this isn’t just me but

fromonesurvivortoanother:

i’ve noticed that as a survivor, i cannot stand wanting something and not having it. and i can’t stand waiting for things. even if it’s like, waiting for a CD to come out. or waiting for popcorn in the microwave. or waiting for the bus. i get so fucking anxious about it.

i’m sure this is tied into survival things. maybe more for people with C-PTSD like me— people who were in confined, captive or semi-captive situations for long periods of time.

i grew up in a present-focused state where my only objectives were 1) physical safety, and 2) instant relief from emotional and physical stresses. so having to wait on something is painful. talking to someone long distance is painful. or if it’s not, i am constantly focused on things that i could do in the present with that person if i were there. and so on.

when i have to do things in the future, even just an hour away, i’m easily distracted by fun things or distractions in the present. i have little capacity for planning the future, and then sticking to those plans. i am capable of large dreams and flights of fancy, but only because i see them as things i want to be thrown into, without lots of planning and waiting along the way. i procrastinate on everything, because only when the problem becomes an immediate crisis am i able to function in that mode of thinking. my brain is oriented towards solving what is in front of me, not what will be there in a week. 

kuklarusskaya:

proudblackconservative:

redbloodedamerica:

…and it’s true too.

*Black guy and latino/white guy fight; black guys dies*
Media: “asdfghjkl fuel the racial tensions! Blacks against da whites!&#8221;
*Black guy selflessly acts to save white girl*
Media: *Crickets* 

I just always reblog this story too. Because it’s awesome. And because obviously Boggs is the kind of person that should be well known, and become a role model. (And Chris Garcia, Boggs’s friend who rode as well!) 
Also, I wanted to note that there’s a scholarship fund for the two boys set up. You can donate here!: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/reward-the-heroes-scholarship-fund-temar-boggs-and-chris-garcia

kuklarusskaya:

proudblackconservative:

redbloodedamerica:

…and it’s true too.

*Black guy and latino/white guy fight; black guys dies*

Media: “asdfghjkl fuel the racial tensions! Blacks against da whites!”

*Black guy selflessly acts to save white girl*

Media: *Crickets* 

I just always reblog this story too. Because it’s awesome. And because obviously Boggs is the kind of person that should be well known, and become a role model. (And Chris Garcia, Boggs’s friend who rode as well!) 

Also, I wanted to note that there’s a scholarship fund for the two boys set up. You can donate here!: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/reward-the-heroes-scholarship-fund-temar-boggs-and-chris-garcia

(via sapphrikah)

Kanye West: Never was much of a romantic, I could never take that intimacy. And I know I did damage, cuz the look in your eyes is killing me. I guess you had an advantage, cuz you could blame me for anything. And I don't know how I'ma manage if one day you just up and leave.

Jay-Z: And if the day comes I only see him on the weekend, I just pray we was in love the night we conceived him. Promise to never leave him even if his mama tweakin', cuz my dad left me and I promised: Never repeat him.

Lauryn Hill: Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again. You know I only say it cuz I'm truly genuine: Don't be a hard rock when you really are gem. Baby girl, respect is just a minimum.

Tupac: But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up. Forgive but don't forget, girl, keep your head up. And when he tells you you ain't nothin', don't believe him. And if he can't learn to love you, you should leave him.

Common: It's important we communicate and tune the fate of this union to the right pitch. I never call you my bitch or even my boo. There's so much in a name and so much more in you.

Lil Wayne: And if you come from under that water then there's fresh air. Just breathe, baby. God's got a blessing to spare. Yes, I know the process is so much stress, but it's the progress that feels the best. Cuz I came from the projects straight to success and you're next. So try. They can't steal your pride, it's inside. Then find it and keep on grinding, cuz in every dark cloud there's a silver lining. I know.

Radiohead: The rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops, the rain drops

superherotoranse:

FYI, children are people, with real, complex emotions, experiences, and lives.

They’re not little pre-humans whose feelings are just playing pretend until they reach adulthood and experience ‘real’ things.

Their lives are not pre-lives that should follow some script of childhood innocence until they become part of the ‘real world.’

Children are capable of feeling real love, anger, hurt, joy, etc. They’re not ‘resilient’ any more than adults, and I fucking hate that idea because it seems to be used to justify treating children like shit as though they’re not human, just unformed putty and it doesn’t matter how they’re treated.

So making fun of or denying the validity of children’s feelings and deciding that nothing they go through is actually meaningful or has a real affect on their life is so fucking wrong and harmful because…wait for it….children are people.

(Source: survivorsuperhero)

dionthesocialist:

I think tumblr has left a lot of us emotionally stunted. This is a great community for empowerment, catharsis, or coping, but those things aren’t recovery in and of themselves. Comparatively, they’re easy when compared to the painful self-reflection and real-world scenarios you’ll have to encounter on the road to true recovery. Not only does Tumblr not focus enough on recovery, but there’s almost a disdain here for the very notion.

There’s a lot of time spent validating everything. “Your symptoms are valid! Your responses are valid! Your depression is valid! Your coping is valid!” Well, yeah, all that stuff is definitely valid, and understanding that is important step in recovery, but it’s certainly not the final step. All that stuff is valid in the same way a baby chewing on a teething ring is valid, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about if your recovery is still in its infancy, but Tumblr almost encourages you to stay there, to never grow out of it.

There’s a difference between what’s valid and what’s healthy, what’s best for you. I recently saw a post that validated people who stay in their room all day. Is that a valid response to anxiety? Sure. Is it a healthy response? Hell no, and there isn’t a person on Earth who can convincingly make the argument that the best thing you can do for your anxiety is to never leave your room.

Or how about those “how to care for a _________” posts? They’ve got some great tips there, and a lot of what they say is true, but you cannot reasonably expect people to coddle your issues, insecurities, or self-perceived inadequacies. Your recovery has to come from you. It has to be a difficult decision you make with yourself and carry through with because you need it. Your recovery can’t come from hoping other people will validate you.

No one should be ashamed of where they are in their recovery process, but there’s also no reason why you should be in the same place with your issues as you were in 2010.

Your final goal is not validation. It isn’t empowerment. It isn’t finding a way to get through the day. It isn’t being comfortable with your problems, nor is it accepting that they’ll never go away. The final goal is health. The final goal is happiness. The final goal is contentment. The final goal is recovery.

(Source: dion-thesocialist)

Stop telling women that we should find ourselves beautiful and that we should love ourselves when you are standing right there, judging us on how our knees look in short skirts and how prominent our boobs are in a sweater and how much makeup we are or are not wearing. Instead of us working harder on “love your body” and “find your inner beauty”, the rest of the world should be working harder on “stop telling women their bodies are a shameful place to live but that if they’re strong enough, they will learn to embrace that shame.” This is my body. It’s not “beautiful”. I don’t “love it”. I don’t have to. I don’t have to have any strong feelings about my body. And whatever feelings I do have are not somehow invalid if they’re not glowing reviews.

Elyse Mofo, “Don’t Tell Me to Love My Body”

(via leaf-less)

(Source: nightrevelations, via koknbawlz)

sonotaghostkid:

letitfuckingsnow:

spazztastikim:

captain-childishfirewarrior:

peeonmykoala:

yes-cheshire:

gabbity:

visual-overdose:

She wants the D

That’s sexual assault… And it’s fucked up.If this gif was a man doing that to a woman, everyone on this site would be freaking out.

THIS

everyone should be freaking out anyways i mean wtfh

Holy shit!

That’s wrong on so many levels.

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THIS IS OKAY?!

This is really not okay.
I think some people fail to realize that men can be sexually assaulted, too, and not just by other men. This girl shoves him against the wall and slaps him thee fucking times when he pushes her away. Heck, he has to push her away twice before she backs off for a moment. Then she goes right back to kissing him.
Gabbity is right—if the genders were reversed, everyone on this site would be flipping a shit. And if anyone dares to tell me that it’s different when a girl does it to a guy, I will personally write you a three-page essay on why it is still not okay.

sonotaghostkid:

letitfuckingsnow:

spazztastikim:

captain-childishfirewarrior:

peeonmykoala:

yes-cheshire:

gabbity:

visual-overdose:

She wants the D

That’s sexual assault… And it’s fucked up.
If this gif was a man doing that to a woman, everyone on this site would be freaking out.

THIS

everyone should be freaking out anyways i mean wtfh

Holy shit!

That’s wrong on so many levels.

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THIS IS OKAY?!

This is really not okay.

I think some people fail to realize that men can be sexually assaulted, too, and not just by other men. This girl shoves him against the wall and slaps him thee fucking times when he pushes her away. Heck, he has to push her away twice before she backs off for a moment. Then she goes right back to kissing him.

Gabbity is right—if the genders were reversed, everyone on this site would be flipping a shit. And if anyone dares to tell me that it’s different when a girl does it to a guy, I will personally write you a three-page essay on why it is still not okay.

(Source: hollabackhoe)

cosplayisnotconsent:

Cosplay is NOT Consent aims to educate the community by using the experiences of cosplayers, and convention staff to help put an end to unwanted harassment of convention attendees. We will work with convention owners to help bring comfort and safety back to fan events all around the world.